Running, making lists, waking up early, reading... just how happy is a highly disciplined life?

“Every excuse you make and every inch of excess fat on your body is a sign of your compromise with life.”

—

2016 was an extraordinary year for me, a crucial year of psychological rebuilding. This piece has been brewing for a long time; I see it as a ritual, a farewell to my past self, and a start to a new life.

Let me start with my past self. Since my student days, I've been the kind of girl who's dispensable, the kind of ordinary person who quickly disappears into the crowd. My grades were average, and my looks were average. Being an average student in school meant I had to be lifeless. I was used to being an average student, but for some reason, I always harbored resentment. I firmly believed that popular people were either attention-seeking or just too lucky.

Later, after I started working within the system, I naturally became a very suitable role, dealing with work and numb to life. I had long been used to endlessly complaining about life with my best friend, used to curling up on the sofa after get off work eating junk food and watching boring TV programs, used to holding my phone all day, scrolling through Weibo until I couldn't scroll anymore, and reading the messages in my WeChat Moments over and over again.

The aura of laziness slowly devoured my heart, making me increasingly narrow-minded, insecure, weak, and sensitive. I became more and more doubtful about life and more and more apathetic about the future.

I don't like this version of myself, and I've tried to change, but I've never been able to stick with anything for long.

I told them I wanted to take the postgraduate entrance exam, so I bought sets of books. I picked up one book, flipped through it intermittently for less than a third of the time, and then put it away.
I told her I wanted to be patient with my child, and after reading her three stories, I wanted to browse Weibo and Taobao.
I told them I wanted to lose weight, so I downloaded Keep (a fitness app), followed the workout once, and then my period started and I haven't opened it since…

I don't agree with self-torture-like persistence and effort. I can't understand people who add all sorts of constraints to their lives. In my opinion, effort should have its limits. I don't want to exhaust myself like that. Every excuse I make and every inch of excess fat on my body is a sign of my compromise with life. 。

Some say there are two kinds of people after adulthood: the mature and the old. In my early thirties, I have already become the latter. I complain about everything, sigh and lament, and feel bitter and resentful. I have gradually realized that although my lifestyle is not a bad habit, it is definitely not a good one. A considerable part of my unhappiness comes from the emptiness in my heart caused by these bad habits. The choices that truly make people better are never comfortable. Laziness and emptiness have caused my life to deteriorate uncontrollably.

I increasingly hate myself for this, and I don't want my daughter to become like that. I'm even afraid that one day she'll say to me fiercely, "You haven't even done it yourself, so what right do you have to ask me to?" I'll be speechless then...

—

In 2015, I turned thirty and had three wishes: to grow my hair to waist length, to lose weight to 100 pounds, and to pass the postgraduate entrance examination. By the end of the year, I had achieved all of them.

In 2016, my wishes were to run 1,000 kilometers, read 100 books, complete a marathon, pass the selection exam, and obtain three work-related certifications.

As I wished, I accomplished all of them.

The changes I've experienced in the past two years, especially in 2016, stem from a growing awareness and unwavering willpower, all of which are rooted in the development of good habits: running, making plans, waking up early, reading, spending time alone, and gratitude. These habits have brought order to my life, eased my emotions, and filled my heart. I can't wait to share these changes with you.

running

I started running in 2015, and in 2016 I ran without interruption, even participating in my first marathon. I ran at least three days a week, each time covering at least five kilometers. In spring and autumn, I ran in the park; in summer and winter, I went to the gym. I chose to run at midday because that time was relatively undisturbed, and my plans wouldn't be disrupted by my surroundings. Running is an incredibly painful process; there are several key hurdles that are difficult to overcome. I know myself well; if I stopped once, I would never be able to continue. This forced approach later brought about a complete change in me. I no longer resisted it; instead, I fell in love with the thrill of constantly battling laziness and enjoying the process of surpassing myself time and time again. I finally understood: my attitude determines the quality of my life. Later, running also became a way for me to relieve stress. I stopped telling everyone about my unhappiness and instead told myself: if you're unhappy, go for a run. After sweating profusely, my body was tired, but my mind was at peace. In addition, I swim once a week and do five sets of planks every morning. Long-term persistence relies on internal motivation rather than external pressure; it's essentially about self-awareness. Only with a strong enough awareness can one continue. Running gradually enhanced my self-control, and many of my later changes stemmed from the confidence that running brought me. Because I experienced the feeling of being in control of my life, everything started to move in a better direction.

List of plans

In our student days, we all had the habit of writing down our homework in notebooks, but after starting work, probably few people make to-do lists anymore. At the beginning of the year, I prepared a planner, aiming to fill it to the brim, making the most of every day and every page of the year, preserving traces and memories of life. I divided my plans into long-term goals, annual plans, monthly plans, weekly plans, and daily plans. Long-term goals included overcoming fear of difficulties, finishing what I started, reducing idle chatter, and maintaining a smile. Annual plans included running 1000 kilometers, reading 100 books, obtaining 3 professional certifications, and completing 1 marathon. Before each month, I would list the monthly targets, buy the books I needed to read at the beginning of the month, mark the questions I needed to review in advance, summarize in my diary at the end of the month, and plan for the following month. Every week, I would read two books, fast for a day to detox, and listen to a Himalaya FM compilation while driving. Every morning, I would do five sets of planks, write in my diary and reading notes at night, and drink at least five glasses of water every day. I was almost fanatical about executing my plans; for example, I never slacked off at the gym three times a week. Planning ahead has a magical effect: it can reduce inner clutter and anxiety. When you see each item on your to-do list being completed and checked off, you feel incredibly satisfied. A clear mind naturally improves your mood, and even a lot of things no longer feel like a burden.

get up early

There are 365 days in a year. If I wake up an hour earlier each day, I gain 365 hours of highly productive time. In summer, I usually wake up at 5:30 am, and in winter at 6:30 am. I never take a nap at noon and go to bed at 11:30 pm. Although I only sleep 6-7 hours a day, my sleep quality is extremely high. I almost always sleep through the night and rarely dream, which may be related to my regular exercise. To be honest, waking up at 5 or 6 am isn't early, but being able to enjoy quiet time to myself is precious, especially for young mothers like us. Having time to ourselves is a luxury. Morning time is valuable; using it to do the things I least want to do makes the whole day worry-free. I usually schedule my daily review questions for this time in the morning because it's quiet and my mind is clear, making studying and reading particularly efficient. After finishing what I need to learn, it feels like I've accomplished the most dreaded task of the day, making everything else much easier. This year, I used my morning time to study and passed three work-related certification exams, all with scores above 80. I also ranked first in the selection exam.

read

It's no exaggeration to say that in the previous 30 years, excluding textbooks, I hadn't read more than ten books from cover to cover. I had severe procrastination and always struggled to concentrate. After having a child, I suddenly realized that even with simple praise, I could only say, "Baby, you're so great!" and then I'd run out of things to say. I realized that my own upbringing directly affected my child's. For me, the language problem was secondary; the real issue was the poverty of my thoughts. I started reading, or more accurately, I started catching up, making up for 30 years of neglect. I used a journal to record the books I'd read and the books I wanted to buy, marking the level of interest with asterisks. I read two books a week, starting with my favorite parenting books and bestsellers, gradually moving on to books on thinking, expression, and developing problem-solving skills. Reading got my mind moving. I didn't need to memorize everything; I didn't need to memorize anything. Sometimes, just a casual passage could fill my day. I even started looking forward to reading. Looking back on the books I've read this year, the most important thing is that I took each one seriously. I was able to persevere and finish reading thick books, gaining new insights and learning more precise expression. I especially enjoy the feeling of making notes and excerpts in my notebook after finishing a book. Although I won't have changed much in a year, I've begun to enjoy the pleasure that words bring and am willing to continue doing so long-term. This steady growth gives me a great sense of peace.

Alone

In today's fast-paced society, too many temptations prevent us from calming down and thinking. We're constantly calling out to friends, afraid of losing our lives in loneliness. Deep down, I'm a solitary person. I didn't have many friends as a child, but I had a few companions in school. Later, we drifted apart; we no longer shared common experiences, topics, or feelings, and naturally, our friendships faded. Now, I no longer have moments of aimless daydreaming. I long for friendships where we contact each other when needed and go our separate ways otherwise. But in reality, this seems difficult to achieve. Without communication, we naturally drift apart; different mindsets lead to different viewpoints. So now I've returned to solitude, and it's necessary to return to my true self, to enjoy solitude, and to understand myself in it. I've always liked the saying: "The soul is destined to walk alone." I write in my diary every day. Writing in my diary is both a way of confirming my journey and an exploration of my inner thoughts at different stages of life; it's both a way of telling myself and a way of motivating myself.

grateful

I used to be a very complaining person. I always felt that some things had to be said, and keeping them inside would only make me sad. But later, I gradually realized that complaining not only didn't solve problems, but it also reinforced my stubborn thinking. What was originally a small matter became more and more upsetting the more I talked about it, eventually trapping me in a vicious cycle where the whole world felt indebted to me. I also had a tendency to compare myself to others, often leading to feelings of inferiority. When I realized these things, I discovered that I had spent the best years of my life on jealousy, sadness, resentment, and trivial matters. Now I'm in my thirties, still young, but definitely not a teenager anymore. Life is fleeting, and I don't want to continue wasting time. I want to use all my time to improve myself. Now I try to see things from other people's perspectives, and I'm grateful to everyone who has helped and cared for me. I want to become resilient, independent, and strong inside, so my parents won't worry about me, and I can be a role model for my children. I want to love myself and those around me in a way that I enjoy.

—

2016 has ended. Time flies, yet it leaves its mark. I sigh at the fleeting year, but feel a sense of peace within. What makes this year important to me isn't how much I accomplished, but the profound sense of inner growth and maturity I've felt. It's not about becoming numb, rigid, or worldly-wise, but about recognizing my own capacity for growth and understanding the importance of perseverance and accumulation. I finally have a little bit of confidence: I can do it all. Perhaps I'm just simple-minded and willing to believe. I understand that effort doesn't always guarantee good results, but I still firmly believe in the principle of gradual accumulation leading to a breakthrough. Seeing myself improve a little each day, getting closer to those seemingly distant dreams, makes me content. Perhaps what I enjoy isn't maturity itself, but the process of becoming mature. I always admire women whose most precious expression is calmness and composure, whose eyes radiate a happiness that only a tranquil heart can perceive. I aspire to be that kind of person.

Source: http://www.jianshu.com/p/207da864e927