2011.11.20

I've been on "vacation" for almost a month now. It's truly comfortable; I can sleep in late every day and do what I enjoy. Occasionally, I'll go to the playground to play soccer, without the pressure of studying or working. This kind of life is unprecedented—comfortable and peaceful.

There's still a lot I need to get done in the next two weeks. All sorts of miscellaneous things are quite confusing. A life with a single goal can be incredibly stressful, while a life with multiple goals can be frustrating.
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Lately, I've been mainly busy with my application process. Applying isn't as simple as it seems; you realize there are many details that need polishing when you're actually doing it. There are also follow-up research meetings for my previous social practice projects, and things related to studying abroad websites. Last week, I also had to work on the outstanding class selection and my graduation project. While none of these are particularly difficult, the pressure is still considerable for someone who's been slacking off for a while. What I need to do now is shake off this laziness and get back to a normal life.

I've been looking at information from some university graduate schools lately, and many of their admission requirements are vague. I consider myself fairly capable and want to try for some prestigious universities, but I feel the chances aren't very high, so I'm conflicted. I don't like giving up easily; I want to try any opportunity, even if it's only 1%. Direct rejection really annoys me.

Lately, in my spare time, I've been observing things, and some things have changed my perspective. I used to think that people should be honest with each other, not pretend. But what I've experienced and witnessed one after another has made me realize that honesty is actually very difficult to achieve in this world. Everyone is pretending. Even if you absolutely trust someone, they may not keep their promises. To protect themselves, they have to pretend. Completely opening up to each other would deprive some people of their means of survival.

Next week will be busy again.