How can I meet you again

Yesterday evening, on my way back to Reston, it started snowing again. Just the day before, we were saying that spring had arrived and we could finally take off our heavy coats. In just a few hours, everything changed.

The weather is unpredictable, and so is life. I think most people consider going abroad a very fortunate and happy thing. After the grueling GRE, I also enjoyed a very happy time. To be honest, compared to China, the only difficulty for me here is the language. If the teaching is in Chinese, many things come naturally. Of course, this may be related to the school I attended. Before graduation, I was determined to stay in the United States, but as time went by and my understanding of this place deepened, I suddenly felt less and less inclined to stay.

The hardest problem to overcome is loneliness. After leaving school, everyone goes their separate ways, and there are no longer any large social circles. You need to integrate into smaller social circles on your own. But for some people, especially someone like me who likes to stay at home, this is incredibly difficult. Not going out means no opportunities. Every day is just going to work, coming home, ordering takeout, then going online and sleeping. It's very monotonous, and I don't know anyone around me. Forget about meeting up with friends; even chatting is done via keyboard. Besides the dull life, there's also the issue of immigration status, from student visa to work visa. Maybe I'll stay at this company this year, and go back to another place next year. I don't have a stable place to live, and I especially dislike this nomadic lifestyle.

You don't have to worry about making a living, but your spirit feels incredibly empty. Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to survive in this "no man's land." I need friends, I need social interaction.

—————————————-Let's talk about dating————————————————

As time goes by and I gain more experience, my expectations of a partner increase. Sometimes, I feel like I've missed out on her, and I'll never find anyone better. Sometimes I think that if I could start over, I'd have to get to know you all over again, and go through the process of adjustment. Especially the pain of adjustment—we'd have to let each other know our story all over again, and let each other understand our personalities… The more I think about it, the more tired I get. The more I think about it, the less I want to be in a relationship.

Of course, liking someone can happen in an instant; don't burden yourself with too much, and everything will fall into place naturally. However, this "however" might only apply to me. I'm a rather "rigid" person, and I often set many bottom lines. If she doesn't meet them, I might feel very upset and then choose to leave abruptly. This is to avoid even greater pain later. I've always felt that as people get older, they become more self-confident and less malleable. We're like clay; as time dries, we become increasingly difficult to change, and at this point, change is often extremely painful.

I'm like a piece of very hard clay, so I only have two possible destinations: one is her, still wet behind the ears, and the other is her, perfectly suited to me. I lean towards the former, but then another problem arises: I feel like I only want to find someone close to my age, not an undergraduate! Why? The reason is simple: many things are uncertain for American undergraduates (like where they'll work or pursue graduate studies). These things are uncertain, and it could all end up being nothing. Another point is that it's hard to find a mature undergraduate. People are like that; many things you only learn through experience, and many insights you won't understand without going through them. Those who have experienced it can see it but don't say it, while those who haven't are clueless.

After leaving school, your social circle shrinks, and it becomes increasingly difficult to meet the one you truly like. So, how can I meet you again? At this age, sometimes what's missed is missed forever. Perhaps one day we'll compromise, choosing to hide ourselves to maintain a marriage. Although the thought is terrifying—no longer the happy you and me—that's life, isn't it? Survival of the fittest.

Cherish the people around you, especially those who are good to you, so you don't do things you'll regret.

Time marches on, leaving behind only our memories.