Some questions

Today is the 13th, tomorrow is the 14th, the day after tomorrow is the 15th, the day after that is the 16th, and the day after that is the 17th. I only have four days left to prepare for the TOEFL! Suddenly the pressure has increased dramatically. It's all because my preparation over the past two months wasn't thorough enough, leaving me with a heavy burden. I remember telling myself in June that I would finish memorizing the CET-4 and CET-6 vocabulary in July, master the TOEFL vocabulary in August, and take the TOEFL in September with ease. But look what happened—I've only just started working on the TOEFL vocabulary now.

This bad habit is hard to break: when I have plenty of time, I procrastinate, only realizing the pressure when it's almost time to act. Fortunately, this awful habit has instilled in me a habit of cramming for the pressure of a challenge. Even under immense pressure, it's not so bad; I set a 24-hour plan and force myself to solve it. Actually, I have a great way of comforting myself: I separate each day of the next few days, telling myself, "Today I've accomplished it. Tomorrow is a new day, a different day, a new task. Since I've accomplished it well today, tomorrow's task will be easy to complete." And so, the days just pass by.
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I've been exhausted these past two days, and I don't know if this kind of studying will even be effective. The day before yesterday, I encountered someone on Weibo who really angered me. He made me realize that there are many times in this world where reasoning is pointless, because it's futile, the other person won't listen, and not only that, you might even get ridicule in return. I haven't encountered anyone this infuriating since entering high school. Someone who's unreasonable and proud of being able to insult others without using profanity is utterly hopeless. Looking at his profile, I discovered he's from the same high school and university as me. I think as a junior, he should at least respect his seniors. Even if he doesn't respect them, at least show some respect. (You can see the details on my Weibo; there are screenshots.)

Everyone's understanding and awareness are different. An individual doesn't need to expect the whole world to reach the same level of understanding and awareness as you; otherwise, it will be exhausting and lead to disappointment with the world. This incident suddenly made me realize the helplessness of those reclusive sages. Sometimes, there's no need to concern yourself with this complex world. Those who understand you will understand, and those you understand will also understand—it's that simple.

This morning, I had a dream about our school, Wenyi, and when I woke up, I thought of Xiasha. Suddenly, I felt a complete lack of belonging in Xiasha. I don't know why, but I always have this vague feeling that our school is strange. A few years ago, our school was indeed quite prestigious. But in recent years, it seems to have been declining. I rarely see older professors; most of the teachers are young, and even the students make me feel unable to communicate openly—they're very guarded and suspicious. I haven't heard any students or teachers talk about how much they love the school. Why can't we feel love for the place we live and work in?

From my junior year to my senior year, I spent almost a year preparing for studying abroad. This year of study and life completely cut me off from classmates and friends, and I truly felt very lonely during this period. This made me very grateful to those who helped me. Thinking back to some of my teachers and classmates from junior high, high school, and university, some directly helped me move forward, while others indirectly guided me. Suddenly, I feel I can understand some of the things my teachers said now. I think I will remember those who helped me on my road to success and be grateful.

Last time I said I didn't recommend students take the civil service exam. Now I'd like to add a few reasons, purely my personal opinion. Feel free to discuss any issues, but please refrain from insults. If you're considering taking the civil service exam because of its job security, I suggest you don't. Our Party is currently at a crossroads. If we don't reform the system of public servants, the Party will perish. If we do reform the civil service system, it will make civil servants very uncomfortable because it will become more transparent and open. However, I personally believe that reform will be very slow because no one within the system is willing to change, and no one is willing to give up their secure job; the resistance is too great.

This reminds me of another topic: socialism. I don't quite understand the true meaning of socialism. I've only heard that it means everyone lives in peace and prosperity, and everyone enjoys the benefits of social development. But when I read Marx's *Capital* two years ago, I saw a different perspective. He said that socialism must be built on a highly developed productive force. (I think that's what he said.) But our country is a poor and backward country. Without developed productive forces, where does socialism come from? Perhaps this primary stage of socialism is for developing productive forces. But look at those Nordic countries; they are called capitalist, but their societies enjoy extremely high welfare. People can live a wealthy life even if they don't work. Isn't that socialism? If so, isn't the primary stage of socialism just capitalism? Isn't it about rapidly developing productive forces through capital operations? I don't quite understand... Another question: I remember my high school teacher saying that the advantage of socialism lies in strong macroeconomic control, but I feel that other countries also have macroeconomic control. It's just that our country has centralized power, so the control is stronger. What does that have to do with socialism?

Oh dear, speaking of which, I remembered someone asking me a few days ago if I wasn't afraid of being censored. Actually, I am quite afraid, but I think that as an outstanding modern college student, raising my own questions and promoting the development of our Party and society wouldn't be considered reactionary and subject to censorship, right? There's an election next year, everyone's busy with that, strategizing and stuff, so I should be safe, right?

There are still 4 days left, let's give it our all!