Words cannot express it

Last weekend we fought our way into the Eastern Conference Finals. Despite the torrential rain, we fell behind three times and tied three times, but ultimately lost the championship on penalties.

These past two days, I've been trapped in an indescribable sense of confusion. This feeling isn't due to the regret of losing the championship, but rather the realization that many people around me will be leaving after this competition. Although this kind of thing happens every year since graduation, the feeling has never been as intense as it is now. Thinking about it, it's like being a frog slowly boiled in water; the departure of friends in the circle didn't cause much of a reaction initially, but when you realize the circle is no longer what it used to be, the pain naturally follows.

I've experienced many departures throughout my life, but each departure has been followed by a rebuilding process. After elementary school came middle school, then high school, then university, then graduate school… Three years after graduating with my master's degree, my social network will be reshuffled this year, and I foresee that next year will be even worse. This feeling of confusion stems from my own indecisiveness. Going to the west or returning home are both options, and everything seems much better than lingering here.

Looking back, when asked why I didn't go to the west after graduation, my answer was always that I still had some resources there and wanted to use them to do something. Three years have passed, and I find myself increasingly enjoying a lazy life. Although I've accomplished some things, they haven't amounted to much. Looking back at my previous reasons, they increasingly resemble a form of self-brainwashing.

This probably won't be the last East Coast edition, but it might be the most dedicated. When competitive sports cease to be about winning, they become mere entertainment, losing their fighting spirit and ideals. Life is similar; if we become accustomed to comfort, we lose our ideals and our self-esteem declines.

The ideals I set for myself at the beginning of the year are still in reality. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to promote faster change and iteration.

The music has ended, the party's over, and everyone's gone their separate ways. This competition felt very similar to the college-level tournament I played with after graduating from university. Both were finals, both involved teammates I'd played with for four years, and both ended with everyone going their separate ways. The difference lies in my mindset. Back then, I was certain I was going abroad to study; my future was bright and certain. Now, I'm stuck in the same place, uncertain about my future. I think some people experienced this feeling four years ago…

Actually, the road ahead isn't all thorns. I hope you can get out of your depressed mood soon and pick yourself up to move forward.