I understand now, I can fly! I want to fly!

Maybe it was 100 yuan, maybe it was her unintentional remark, maybe it was Grandpa's admonition, maybe it was...

I suddenly realized how terrible I am.

Every time I say: I want to become better.

I always plan things very well.

But I never managed to finish it.

I feel very good about myself.

This is an error I hadn't noticed until recently.

Why? Why? [separator]

I've realized I have far better conditions than others, yet I'm never satisfied.

Three years ago, before my grandfather passed away, he said: "No matter how big the problem is, as long as you overcome it, you will succeed. Even if it's a small thing, you must face it seriously and not let it become a stumbling block on your road to success."

That was the first and last time I saw my grandfather cry; tears streamed down his face.

I can now fully understand how he felt when he said those words, how much he had expectations for me! He was teaching me with tears in his eyes, it seems I disappointed him greatly back then… Grandpa, I'm sorry, I only now realize how terrible I am.

After my grandfather passed away, my grandmother would often come to visit me and occasionally slip me some money. For various reasons, I rarely communicated with her, and I didn't understand what she meant.

My dad is always very lenient with me; I can discuss my requests with him. But this can't hide his expectations of me. He's a realistic person and has a clear understanding of me. He knows I might, but I'm not capable of...

My mother has high expectations of me; she always has many demands of me. But because of her tone, I often can't accept them and we frequently argue. However, I now realize she's very experienced and understands what I mean. Right now, moving forward—that's the only way out.

My maternal grandparents were extremely kind and friendly, especially my maternal grandmother, who doted on me. I now understand their expectations for me.

My grandparents only had one son, my father, and my maternal grandparents had three daughters, only my mother gave birth to a boy. You could say I was the hope of six people from two families, and I can understand their high expectations of me now.

My grades were terrible in elementary school. In junior high, my parents spent a lot of money to get me into No. 13 Middle School. At the time, I didn't understand why, but the environment shaped me, and my grades improved rapidly. Eventually, I was qualified to get into a top-tier high school.

Unfortunately, in the end, I wasn't good enough, and I fell just short. This time, I wanted to take responsibility for my mistake, but my mother still secretly used the money meant for household utilities to pay my tuition for a temporary school. I never understood her intentions. Now I finally understand; she wanted to create better conditions for me, hoped I could take off again, hoped I could fly higher, but I had misunderstood her all along…

A year has passed, and I still haven't made any progress.

A year has passed since the heartbreaking 21st, and she remains the only one in my heart, while she has already found her true love.

I thought I had a chance, but on the 18th, she unintentionally mentioned him. His perfection made me feel ashamed. Although she didn't say I was useless, I could feel the huge gap, and I didn't have the courage to face the challenge, let alone surpass him.

Today is the first day of school. This afternoon, I went to my grandma's house to buy books. During dinner, she secretly slipped me 100 yuan. I glanced at her, and in that brief exchange of glances, I saw encouragement in her eyes, the expectations of an elderly person, and also my own confidence. This time, I was truly touched.

With such great potential, why can't I try to succeed? I not only want to surpass her and prove that I'm no worse than her, but I also want to prove that I'm no worse than anyone else!

I, Tao Jing, cannot dwell on past successes, for that only proves I am inferior! I must create new history! I cannot live in past glories! Nor can I live in a world of illusion; I must be grounded!

I swear to God! I will no longer just talk the talk! I will overcome all difficulties and challenge my limits! Grade 11! I want to fly! This time, I am truly moved by you all.

1